
a volunteer hospice organization established 1977

Hospice of San Luis Obispo County, committed to the dignity of the human experience, provides volunteer support, education, and counseling to those living with life threatening or terminal illness, their families, and the bereaved.
Hospice San Luis Obispo
1304 Pacific Street
San Luis Obispo, CA 93401
Phone: 805.544.2266
Street Map
Hospice Paso Robles
1345 Oak Street
Paso Robles, CA 93446
Phone: 805.434.1164
Street Map
San Luis Obispo
Monday - Friday
8:30 AM - 4:30 PM
Paso Robles
by Appointment
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Challenges for family and friends
Life changes for everyone in the family after a serious diagnosis and is never the same again. Roles change, dynamics change, it's really easy to let tensions build up - and before you know it, you have an explosive and tense situation. The upheaval that illness brings needs acknowledgment and discussion - otherwise feelings become overwhelming and relationships put at risk.
Families and friends of patients often say that they don't know how to act. I tell them that they don't have to 'act' - they just need to be themselves. Life has changed, the horizon has come into focus but there can still be plans, goals, achievements and fun.
There are a whole range of ways in which you can help but you must also remember to look after yourself. We all find our strength, compassion and resilience in a crisis, but we get worn down week after week. It is important to recognize your own limitations and be kind to yourself, as well as the one you are caring for.
Helping in a practical way
When all around is changing and in turmoil, it's often really important to try and keep things as normal as possible. So offering help with simple practical tasks can be really valuable - let the patient know what you can do in a specific way i.e. offering to take the ironing, pick up the children, etc. If you just say 'Let me know if I can do anything', the response will often be 'I'm managing, thanks'.
There can also be a desire to do too much and this will just reinforce feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Even if someone can't do, they can think and be involved in decisions and discussions. It's easy to assume that patients are mentally frail as well as physically frail.
So don't make assumptions. Include, consult and involve those you are caring for in all you do.
Listening and laughing
Listening and laughing with your friend or relative are perhaps the two talents that you can easily bring to help. Being able to listen to someone's fears, worries and sadness without offering advice or solutions is hard - but one of the most helpful things you can do.
Someone has chosen to share with you what is troubling them - they trust you and will value your listening. Stay with them, offering encouragement to continue and try to feel at ease with silence or gaps in the conversation. You don't need to give answers, suggestions or solutions.
Don't change the subject. Say if you feel uncomfortable with what is being discussed. Share your sadness or distress, it will bring you closer.
Humor is a really important stress reliever for all of us. It may seem out of place when life-threatening illnesses are being discussed but it is a great coping mechanism for all of us. The right balance of laughter and tears seems to be the key.
If you need help coping with a loss, caring for a seriously ill loved one, or dealing with your own mortality, please call us at 805.544.2266 or 805.434.1164. We're here to help.